Cognitive distortions are how our mind lies to us. Our brain gives us inaccurate information that reinforces negative thinking and emotions. We all experience them to a greater or lesser extent. They make us feel bad about ourselves, the world around us and life in general. They can ruin relationships, cause emotional chaos and scare a person so bad that they are afraid to ride their horse.
This is where my sister, Ellen, found herself.
Anyone who has been reading this for a while already knows that Ellen is a very experienced and talented rider, and she has a very quiet, safe horse. Dante is wonderful. Part of Ellen sees that and part of her struggles with the reality that Dante is awesome.
There are different types of cognitive distortions, but I won't list them all. I will just tell you about the ones that we have run into personally.
Filtering:
Ellen is a master of what is called "filtering." That is where your brain filters out all the good aspects of something and only dwells on the bad aspects--exaggerating them out of proportion. For instance, we can have a wonderful ride, but Dante rushed across the river on the way home. Ellen has trouble processing the wonderful ride, and all she thinks about is how Dante raced across the river--even though he only walked fast. It colors her whole memory, and when she comes out the next day, crossing the river is a terrifying experience.
Overgeneralization:
Ellen is a master at this one, too. If Dante rushed across the river once, he is going to rush across it every single time. It will never get better, either. If he does do well, it is a fluke. He will still rush the next time.
Of course, anyone who had been reading about our adventures know that we are constantly training our horses--and they keep getting better. It doesn't matter that they are 13 years old. Old horses do learn new tricks. We don't have to be afraid of something happening forever. We just need to find a way to teach them to act in a safer manner.
She even latches on to things that Cole does and overgeneralizes that all horses will do the same thing. The one corner of the trail that Cole is the most likely to take off running is called "Cole Burst Corner." Knowing that Cole might burst there, she feels like all horses--most particularly Dante--will burst there, too.
There are other ways she has overgeneralized over the years. Every now and then, Ranger would stumble and fall. Once he stumbled in a particular spot, she would never trot him there, again. That was long before Dante joined our lives, so you can see that she has been struggling with this for a long time.
Prophesying:
Also called catastrophizing, it is when a person predicts the worst possible thing will happen. If Dante rushes across the river, he will fall and get washed down to Lake Erie. Well that might be a little extreme, but the mind isn't always rational when it does things like this. Of course, if the river is only a foot deep--no one will get washed down to Lake Erie. Most horses won't fall if they rush--and Dante can learn to not rush. And Ellen is capable of teaching him not to rush--we can't forget that part of it.
All of these things get in the way of Ellen enjoying her trail rides--the thing she enjoys more than anything else in the world.
Cognitive distortions cause suffering! Unnecessary suffering!
Some will argue that riding horses is a dangerous sport, and her feelings are justified. Sure, the danger is there, but we need to have a realistic view of the danger. Otherwise, we suffer too much.
Think of a wild horse. They have to be alert--there is danger everywhere. They must run from everything. Any noise could be a horse-eating monster. Sounds plausible, but is it really? If a horse ran from every single noise, they would become exhausted, have no time to eat and would die. Horses have to learn that sometimes it is just an acorn falling from the tree or a squirrel skittering around. They need to learn to adjust their reactions to the actual risk; the best that they can. An acorn might make them jump, but to take off at a mad gallop because it is a life-threatening situation? That isn't such a good idea.
If a horse can learn, so can a human. And sometimes, a human can help a horse to learn when they do overreact--as Dante was with airplanes. Nobody says it is easy, though. Ellen has come far, and I will write about the things she has done to help herself in the future.
If you are interested in learning more about cognitive distortions, here is a website that will help. It is very interesting how our minds can lie to us--and make us miserable. There are many other types that I didn't include because they aren't relevant to what Ellen is going through.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/
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