Friday, July 13, 2012

Gone in an instant

Gone in an instant

This has been a very sad time in my family’s lives. My father’s cancer has gotten the better of him. He is very weak and hasn’t been able to walk in a month and a half. He lives in his bedroom—either on the bed or the recliner. Someone has to be with him all day. Since I live with him, I get the bulk of it. I am getting help from my sister and my brother’s family. He doesn’t want any outsiders helping him. We do have hospice assisting us.

This has cut into my riding. I still ride, but less often and the rides are shorter. My time with my boyfriend is limited to riding together and when he visits me at my house. I don’t even get to see my sister enough. She is working weekends, now, so she can be on Dad Watch a couple days during the week. I take a couple vacation days every week, too, just to stay home. I do a lot of gardening, the dog is getting a better walks and I read. Thunder the Wonder Cat, loves having me home so much. He’s the only one happy with the situation.

My sister and I have both learned to never take anything for granted, again. I never was one to do that in the first place, but now I realize that it applies to EVERYTHING. Our lives have been turned upside down. I have learned to appreciate any horse time I can get. I am even enjoying the chores at the barn more than ever. I like going to work, too, since I can’t go as often as before. But it is more than that. I have seen what has happened to my father. I have learned to appreciate walking, looking out the windows, eating a big meal, taking a shower and stepping outside the door. These are things he hasn’t been able to do. He took them for granted, too.

He would love to look at the garden I spent so much time taking care of—and he would love to be able to eat more of the produce I am harvesting. The appetite isn’t there, anymore, and food doesn’t taste right.

As I walk down the driveway to get the paper in the morning, something that used to be his job, I look at all the lovely trees and I notice their beauty. I never paid attention to them, before. They were just the trees I saw every day. They look different to me now; because I know the ability to see them could be gone, in an instant.


Dom said...

It breaks my heart to read this. I am thinking of you.

achieve1dream said...

I'm so sorry about your dad. :( It makes me sad that he can't do the things he used to enjoy. You're right though, most people (including me) take things for granted. Thank you for the reminder to appreciate what we have. Hang in there and if you need to talk you can always email me. I'm so sorry I have been gone from reading blogs for so long.