Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Grieving

I have been riding, but I have been having trouble writing about it. This grief thing is a horrible place to be, and I can’t wait to leave it all behind. Sometimes if feel normal. I managed 2 days in a row last week, and then I fall back into the abyss. I miss Dad so much. Unlike my sister and brother, I lived with him. The house is so empty without him. I am forming new routines for myself, and I miss the old ones—but they don’t work without him.




For years, I centered my life around taking care of Dad. Going to the grocery store, now, is so tough—I only buy food for myself. Instead of cooking things that will make him happy, I only have me. It just isn’t the same. I planted my vegetable garden for him. Now I have beets that I don’t know what to do with. I have given away so many tomatoes. I don’t know what I will plant next year—it’s just me. The center has dropped out of my life.



And then there is Maggie, the dog I never wanted—and still don’t want very much—but when I had a chance to give her away, I couldn’t. She annoys me all the time. Why did Dad want a dog? Since she is home alone a lot, she really wants to be with me—very close to me. I can’t get away most of the time. Thunder the Wonder Cat doesn’t like her, and is pouncing her more than ever. Poor Maggie is very intimidated. I must say that I usually laugh when I see Thunder go after her.



Thunder has been the most fun. I think he is intentionally trying to cheer me up. As I glumly eat my supper, alone except for Maggie who only wants food to fall on the floor, he calls me from the other room and runs around. I have to go see what he wants—and the dog doesn’t follow me! She won’t leave my supper. He is thrilled—he has me with no dog in sight. Usually, he charges up his tower, flops over and starts to purr.



I threw out the loveseat. It was disgraceful—decades old—and a remnant from when we didn’t know that you could get cats scratching posts. This opened up a lot of room in Thunder’s “Play Area.” He loves it. We have tents, boards to jump, boxes and scratching posts. Don’t forget the tower by the window. I’m so glad I bought it for him. I think he must sleep on it most of the day.



So, my advice for anyone that is grieving—hang out with a great cat. It takes time—you will have good days and bad, but your cat will always be there for you. He will wait until you get better and try his best to speed it up.



Dogs, well, they are just waiting for your supper to fall on the floor.

6 comments:

Jeni said...

I have lost both my parents - it is not an easy thing - in fact it has to be the hardest thing I've had to endure in my 40 some odd years on this earth.

It will take time - a long time - I won't lie about that. But one day the tears will flow less - the new routines will become routine and life will find a new direction.

Hang in there.

My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

achieve1dream said...

I'm glad Thunder is comforting you. I'm sorry things are so hard. I can't even imagine what it must be like living in the house without him there... my thoughts are with you.

On the subject of Maggie.... if you aren't happy with her and she isn't happy home alone maybe you should rehome her..... I know it's hard to let her go because she was your dad's dog, but if you and Thunder would be happier, maybe it's for the best?

Judi said...

Beware of the next big package you get from UPS--Thunder has an idea on how to solve the Maggie problem.

She actually seems quite content with the situation. I guess I'm lucky that she is such a low energy dog for one so young. She's not too smart, either. She seems just fine in her room all day.

Times can still tough be tough for me, but Thunder is still there--trying to cheer me up. I've had a lot of cats, but none have been like Thunder in his devotion to me.

achieve1dream said...

Oh no! Don't give Thunder access to the computer or the post office lol. I'm sure Maggie would be fine with my dogs though... if I were closer I would probably take her off your hands until we could find her a forever home. I wish we lived closer so we could go trail riding!!

Thunder is a good boy. He knows things are tough for you right now. I love reading the stories of how he cheers you up. :) Is Thunder the first cat you've ever clicker trained? I wonder sometimes if his ability to cheer you up and scheme up his plans is because of clicker. :) Or maybe he's just a super genius who is going to take over the world lol!

Judi said...

I don't think the clicking had anything to do with Thunder since I had him a couple years before I tried it. He is actually the first animal I clicker trained. Cats are challenging because it has to be 100% positive reinforcement or they won't do anything but walk away. Also, they have little bellie that get full fast.

I think he is a super genius. Now that he is brave around the dog, again, he has become a tyrant with her. He stalks, pounces, trap her in corners, chases her and sharpens his claws on her. Good thing she has a very thick coat. I click her often for tolerating him. I think it helps.

It would be awesome if we could trail ride together. Just from reading your blogs, I know we would get along, great. Maybe your next move will find you in Cleveland.

achieve1dream said...

I knew it! He is a super genius! Tell him when he plans to take over the world that I'm one of his fans so he can't kick me out. ;D

I plan on staying here forever, but if I did move it would probably be further south. You're too far north for me. I can't handle the cold lol. Maybe we can meet up someday though. That would be cool!